Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting, While I Started a Farm

Chapter 292: Throwing a Doom Shroom Tentatively?

At the chief’s office at the Lingzhou City Martial Arts Department (MAD), though Duan Tianhe was chief, he was merely serving tea here.

Of course, he was happy to do that.

Would most rank-seven martial artists even enjoy such a situation?

They certainly would go their whole lives without a chance of waiting upon so many divine-tier or Void-tier elites.

Wang He, however, taking out his own thermal flask from his Spatial Ring instead of drinking the tea that Duan Tianhe had served him.

He took a few sips before gesturing for Duan Tianhe to pour some hot water into his cup.

“How’s the evacuation of the civilians in Lingzhou City going, Duan Tianhe?” he asked after Duan Tianhe did so.

“Everything is going smoothly...” Duan Tianhe quickly answered. “With several elders escorting and the military diverting their vehicles for the time being, almost fifty thousand people have left the city and the last of them would be evacuated before the wee hours of the morning.”

As a matter of fact, there were many cars inside Lingzhou City.

Nonetheless, the price of fuel had skyrocketed following the Revival of Qi and most could not even afford to drive. Still, with their lives hanging in the balance, who would care about that?

Such was a fine aspect about the people of the Hua Nation, since during such times, no one would be jumping out and yelling ‘freedom’ slogans or rioting.

Meanwhile, Wang Hou nodded at Duan Tianhe’s words and turned towards Pei Donglai, who rose to his feet.

He smiled bitterly. “The Stargate has formed ahead of schedule, Minister Wang, which is why our forces could not be diverted in time. At the moment, only one battalion has arrived at Lingzhou City. In addition to that, Chief Commander Li has sent an emergency summon of all military elites above rank-five to form a temporary party and come before dawn.”

Wang Hou then stood up as well and offered a fist-palm salute to all divine-tier and Void-tier elites before him, declaring sonorously, “I’m immeasurably grateful to everyone for being here. If I don’t fall in this battle, I shall treat everyone to a night at Men in Heaven and no one shall return before they get drunk.”

Some martial elites who know what Men In Heaven was laughed out loud and explained it to the ones who were left puzzled.

Then, a middle-aged female martial artist spat, “Men!”

Everyone could not help laughing again at that.

***

There were a total of twenty-six divine-tier elites here, as well as five Void-tier elites in Wang Hou, Lin Tianzheng, Dong Haichuan, Yang Luchan, and Elder Ji.

Basically, these were most of the Hua Nation’s elites.

All of them know that this fight would be extremely difficult and there was a major chance of casualties. Even so, they were having a jolly time without showing any fear at all.

“By the way, where is Jiang He?” Wang Hou suddenly asked with a frown.

Jiang He actually wasn’t here?

It was getting lively here, but the brat did not come to put on airs? That was not his character.

Long Mountain Lin, having just returned from Jiang He’s house, hesitated for a moment before he quietly said, “He said that the Sky Demons were clearly belittling him since they opened the Stargate right above his house and that he’s setting things up to teach them a lesson.”

There was a sudden silence in the office.

Wang Hou did a double take before saying, “Reckless, truly reckless... Get him here right now, Long Mountain Lin—we know not a single thing about the strength of the Sky Demon legion at all, so how could he act so rashly?”

Be that as it may, after a brief curse, Wang Hou breathed a long sigh and said, “Jiang He... is the hope of all humanity. Ascending and becoming a Golden Pellet at such a young age while commanding combat ability that could match even Void-tier pinnacle elites? Even if we fail to stop the Sky Demon legion in this battle, there’s still hope for all!”

“That’s right!”

Three Blades Lin cried himself hoarse as he exclaimed, “Jiang He must never die!”

With that, he strode one foot out of the window and was ready to fly in the direction of Jiang He’s house, saying, “Minister Wang, I shall leave right now to persuade Jiang He so that he comes back...”

“Persuade who?”

That was when a voice could be heard.

It was Jiang He, who was walking toward them in the air from the distance.

He stood outside the window of Duan Tianhe’s office and he offered everyone a fist-palm salute with a somber look. “Everyone,” he said, “I have come to notify you that no one should panic later right after the Sky Demon legion arrives. It’s best if you could stay here at Lingzhou City and not come out, since I’ve prepared some homecooked bombs with several dozen million ton-yield and you could get caught in the blast when they detonate.”

Every elite present appeared to be freaking out, though Three Blades Lin did not hear it clearly and could not help asking, “How many catties?”

Jiang He gave Three Blades Lin a look, just like how one would look at a mentally handicapped person with concern...

Are you freaking kidding me?

How many catties?

He was supposed to blow up the Sky Demon legion. If his bombs could be calculated in units of catties, would it even threaten them?

Jiang He had already made his preparations. When the Stargate takes shape later, he would take the initiative and attack, first charging into the Stargate to intercept and slaughter that bunch of animals, and if he could not win... he would throw a few hundred Doom Shrooms in their faces.

Right now, he had over a thousand Doom Shrooms.

Though the highest yield of Doom Shrooms is merely five hundred thousand tons while the average yield is three hundred thousand tons... I have a lot of them.

Let us take the Doom Shrooms with three hundred-thousand-ton yield, for example. If daddy throws two or three hundred Doom Shrooms into the Stargate, would you not be frightened with the ensuring explosive yield reaching up to several hundred million tons?

“Mister Jiang!”

Pei Donglai said then, “The space inside of the Stargate is extremely unstable, Mister Jiang. Explosives... might have a hard time detonating.”

“That’s fine.”

Jiang He waved him off and flatly said, “Even if the Stargate is unstable, my explosives are equally unstable.”

Since my Doom Shrooms were going to blow up after a single touch anyway, if just one of them blew up, the horrific destructive force that would erupt in that single instant would cause the rest of the Doom Shrooms to blow up as well. It was even better if the space within was unstable, as that would ensure the detonation.

And with those few words, Jiang He turned and flew away, turning his head around to remind them even as he did, “Keep that in mind and do not go to my house under all circumstances. I would never take responsibility if someone really gets killed.”

The many martial art elites present were left at a loss for words.

Three Blades Lin, who did not even have the time to return from outside the window, scratched his head and muttered, “Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Why did I see Jiang He spitting sunflower seed shells while flying?”

Was he really that relaxed?

Nonetheless, just minutes after Jiang He had flown away, Wang Hou and the other Void-tier elites all abruptly turned to look towards the distance skies where they found a lone figure flying towards them from the horizon. He appeared to be a middle-aged man wearing hemp clothes and sporting a small beard.

“Elder Guo!”

Having recognized the man, both Yang Luchan and Dong Haichuan rose to their feet.

Wang Hou himself personally walked up to receive him.

He had a good impression of the elder from the Guo clan. Word had it that the Guo elder was born in an age of chaotic war and after mastering martial arts, he had put on his armor and stood watch over Xiangyang to protect the country, repelling all foreign enemies over decades even though he could have enjoyed fame and riches.

Though he was nearing the end of his lifespan and was confining himself to avoid it, he had stepped out at once upon hearing that the country was facing a crisis.

Roar!

Far in the horizon, the roar of a behemoth resounded as a colossal blue serpent over three hundred meters in length streaked through the skies with an old Daoist standing atop the serpent’s head, his Daoist robes flapping against the wind.

“Amitabha!”

A Buddhist chant could be heard from a completely different direction just then and a Buddhist radiance flickered as an old monk arrived, walking across the air.

“Old Bald Donkey, Old Cow Nose, wait for me...”

The sloppy old Daoist from Mount Wudang was following from behind, whereas the Jiang clan elder of the Yellow Emperor’s tomb was dressed plainly. He was walking barefooted up in the skies, seemingly shrinking large gaps into inches, covering hundreds of meters with every single step and moving at a speed comparable to flying.

The expressions on the many elites changed, all of them rising to their feet to welcome the new arrivals. Wang Hou, who just had a few exchanges with Elder Guo, was immediately left stunned and began to laugh loudly in delight. “With our predecessors here to aid us, the Sky Demons would definitely be beaten!”

That was when another figure flew towards them as well.

Incidentally, the figure was flying from the direction of Jiang He’s house.

It was the guru of the Tantra Sect.

He was wearing white robes and holding a folding fan, his hair now shoulder-length and his skin a bright whiteness, which actually gave him an air of handsomeness. As he passed through the white cloud in the skies above Jiang He’s house, he offered Jiang He a fist-palm salute and smiled. “Mister Jiang, you have been well... eh?”

Even before he could finish, his gaze changed and his eyes were twinkling.

“Have you already ascended to True Child, Mister Jiang?!”

***

Up in the white clouds, Jiang He was folding his legs and munching on his purple golden sunflower seeds as well as sipping on rank-nine Origin Fluid from time to time.

When he saw that the white-clothed youth actually recognized himself and was able to see through his cultivation at once, he could not help exclaiming in surprise, “Who are you?”

“Do you know me?”

The guru of the Tantra Sect chuckled in response. “I am the guru of the Tantra Sect. As for my name... I once went by the name of Ge Rili, as well as the name of Harrick... although I am without a name in this life.”

He was talking about his mortal name in his first and second lifetimes.

At the time, he had been merely around thirteen to fourteen when he was brought back to the Tantra Sect. As for the third lifetime, he had just been born when his mother died from profuse bleeding due to labor complications. Then, in that very same afternoon, he was brought back to the Tantra Sect without being afforded the time to be named.

As a matter of fact, the grief in his heart was severe.

Three lifetimes, living over eight hundred years.

A poussin of Pure Yang...

Who could have been unluckier than himself?

“The guru of the Tantra Sect?”

Quietly putting away his purple golden sunflower seeds and rank-nine Origin Fluid, Jiang He stared at the white-clothed youth for a while before laughing coolly, saying, “Would the guru of the Tantra Sect look as smug as you do?”

His True Qi pulsing, Jiang He was about to yell ‘How dare you, demon! Show your true self right now!’ but he held back, even though the words were on the tip of his tongue.

After all, he could feel a familiar surge of blood and Qi inside the white-clothed, smug-looking youth.

The Dragon Elephant Prajna!

Screw me!

So, he really is the guru of the Tantra Sect?

Has the world gone mad?

Nonetheless, the young white-clothed guru certainly understood Jiang He’s thoughts and he grinned carefreely, replying, “I have been guru for eight hundred years. In these last moments of mine, I am hoping that I could be myself.”

Jiang He was dumbstruck.

Here comes another one with a pessimistic outlook.

These people...

The fight had yet to begin and they were already thinking about dying. Most importantly, every single one of them looked as if they were proud of themselves, carrying themselves as if they did not fear death at all.

“Hmm?”

“Something isn’t right...”

There was a flash in Jiang He’s eyes out of the blue as he had noticed something unusual about the body of white-haired youth. Though his skin, figure, blood, and even Qi appeared to be extremely youthful and healthy at the moment, the truth was that the scent of decay was wafting from his body.

Even if the vigor of his body was strong, it felt a little like a ‘rewinding’ of time.

“He must have used some secret technique, tapping into the last bit of potential in his body...”

Jiang He became solemnly respectful of him just then.

The reason he had done that was to repel the Sky Demon legion!

When he remembered the white-haired youth’s show of goodwill toward himself back then...

After some thought, Jiang He held back the white-clothed youth who was about to rush toward Lingzhou City and gather with the elites of the other four Holy Grounds of martial arts, smiling. “Guru, you have rushed all the way here—you must not have eaten yet, have you?”

“Come, come...”

“Here, I have a lunchbox filled with soul rice I planted myself. Please, have some.”

The guru refused tactfully, saying, “Thanks for your kindness, Mister Jiang, but I’m not hungry!”

Even so, Jiang He was not letting go.

Grabbing the guru by the arm, he gently puled him and pinned him down, holding down the full-fledged Void-tier guru of the Tantra Sect up in the clouds like a baby.

There was a look of bewilderment on the face of the young face of the Tantra Sect guru.

He had cultivated the Dragon Elephant and possessed immense strength in the first place... why did it seemed like he was no different from a young chick in front of Jiang He?

On the other hand, not caring about anything at all, Jiang He brought out a box of rice.

The rice was cooked from the Dragontooth rice and it was served with stir-fried eggplant over meat.

It was one of the new lunchboxes that Sora had prepared for him yesterday.

“I don’t eat meat or fish... Eh? Mister Jiang? What are you doing?”

Even before the white-clothed youth could finish, he could see the lunchbox disappearing from Jiang He’s hand, replaced by a long, thick and large purple eggplant.

Jiang He chuckled. “Since you don’t eat meat or fish, guru, then have some vegetables instead.”

The youth’s expression turned dark even as Jiang He continued with an introduction, “This eggplant is a species that I’ve stumbled upon by coincidence. It would count as a floral spirit, having the ability to extend a person’s lifespan.”

Only then did the white-clothed youth’s face relax. Understanding what Jiang He had in mind, he flashed him a pained smile. “Thanks for your goodwill, Mister Jiang. Even so, it is now the end for me. Any treasure that would prolong lifespans would not work on me at all.”

The life expectancy of all martial artists who did not reach Zero Void was only five hundred years old.

And the guru of the Tantra Sect was already that old.

To be precise, he had been that old for five months, and even if he did not tap into the last bit of his potential, he would not have lived past winter.

But now, Jiang He chuckled in response to his words, saying, “Guru, this eggplant is nothing so mundane. Moreover, since there’s no harm in eating an entire one, so why don’t you take a few bites first?”

“If you would eat it, I’ll... eh?”

Even before Jiang He could finish, the youthful guru had already taken the eggplant and crunched down on it loudly. Then, once some pieces went down to his stomach, his entire body shuddered as brilliant light shone out of his eyes and he continued crunching down on the eggplant, finishing it!

Jiang He was left gaping at the sight...

I have not even finished speaking.

What’s with the hurry?

It was such a massive eggplant and yet you’ve stuffed it down your throat raw and directly... I could have arranged for my maid to help you cook it into a dish!

Be that as it may, the youthful guru could not care less whether the eggplant was cooked or raw in that very moment. A look of astonishment registered all over his face as he exclaimed in shock, “What godly item is this eggplant? It actually works for me! I can actually feel as if my lifeforce is improving and that I could at least live for one more year!”

Just one year?

Jiang He frowned.

For most people, that eggplant would extend their lifespans from three to five years.

So, he promptly took out two more eggplants, passed it to the guru and said, “Have some more, guru. Let’s see how long you could extend your lifespan...”

“No need!”

The youthful guru appeared overflowing with confidence then and was laughing out loud. “My blood and Qi had been withering before, my lifeforce decaying. Even so, I’m now confident I can reach Zero Void and I would live another five hundred years once I do!”

After all, Zero Void Elites lived up to a thousand years.

***

Meanwhile, from a long distance away...

Wang Hou, Elder Guo, the old monk of Shaolin Temple, and the old Daoist of Mount Qingcheng all looked toward Jiang He’s house.

That little bit of distance did not actually matter much for elites of their rank. Their vision was perfectly capable of observing the youthful looks of the white-clothed guru, which left them all besides themselves in surprise...

Where had that elite showed up from?

He looks so young, but he is actually a full-fledged Void-tier?

Nevertheless, in that very moment...

Ooom!

A formless ripple unfurled across the world.

Starting from the spot above Jiang He’s house, the clouds up in the skies over fifty kilometers were crushed by the ripple.

A large black dot was taking shape up in the air.

And within the black dot, a horrific spatial energy was building up. As space rippled and stirred, the black dot rapidly expanded!

Everyone’s faces dropped right then.

“The Stargate has opened!” someone gasped softly.

Others appeared grave. In fact, even Wang Hou and the other elites were looking somber just then.

“They are coming!”

In the distant horizon and beneath the black dot, Jiang He watched as the cloud beneath his feet was crushed and could not help frowning. Turning to glance at the youthful guru, he said, “Guru, please back away.”

The white-clothed guru appeared baffled.

On the other hand, Jiang He smiled calmly and said, “I’m afraid that I might hurt you once I attack.”

As the guru looked on in shock, Jiang He had flown to the Stargate which was no bigger than a washing basin.

With a turn of his hand, he took out a pitch-black Doom Shroom, which was growing a pair of fiery-red eyes.

Extending his hand, he threw it inside the Stargate.

Okay.

No rush.

Let’s throw one to see the effect for now.

***

Meanwhile, in outer space, the Sky Demon legion of five hundred thousand strong was standing upon the plains of a dried-up planet, all of them wearing black armor and forming an intimidating black field.

Even the weakest among them was a rank-five.

After all, Sky Demons would become warriors even without cultivation once they reached adulthood, making them equivalent to any human warrior... Moreover, this force of five hundred thousand was the best among the Sky Demon legion, so it was normal for the weakest to be at least rank-five.

They stood silently, forming groups of hundred that were each led by a hundred-men commander with powerful aura, and was equally matched to rank-seven grandmasters.

And above hundred-men commanders were thousand-men commanders and ten thousand-men commanders, the latter of whom was equivalent to rank-nine martial artists.

Aside from them were marshals, chief marshals and generals...

Not to mention that there were more than a hundred divine-tier champions, almost thirty Void-tier champions, and nine Zero Void champions.

The leading general of the five hundred thousand himself possessed an aura as deep as the ocean. Demonic Qi floated like clouds around him.

He was a full-fledged Zero Void, which was equivalent to a full-fledged Yuan Spirit in cultivator terms.

However, none of the legion of five hundred thousand or the Sky Demon champions dared to even breathe to loudly as they silently watch the towering and majestic figure up front.

He was surrounded in Demonic Qi, preventing others from seeing his face.

Holding a pitch-black steel ruler and throwing it, the steel ruler took to the air, unleashing a violent tremor.

The tremor actually tore spirit space apart, forming a pitch-black Stargate.

Even if the demon lord of the Sky Demons was personally there, he did not have the power to open the Stargate and must rely upon the steel ruler—a sacred item of the Sky Demons that only the demon lords could wield.

And now, rage was showing upon the demon lord’s face.

He could sense it...

The descendant he left on Earth was gone...

It was his biological daughter!

Royal Sky Demons were dwindling in the first place and not many of the demon lord’s own descendants were as powerful as he was. Moreover, he had sent his daughter there at great cost, so how could he not be furious before she fulfilled the grand task of unifying Earth?

It was also the reason he had opened the Stargate ahead of schedule.

Ooom!

The air rippled and stirred.

The pitch-black Stargate was stretching into the depths of space...

It lasted over hours when the demon lord’s aura suddenly stirred and he growled, “The Stargate is open but I shall continue expanding it. Generals, prepare the materials to stabilized the Gate, and the legion shall move to Earth in two hours!”

“Eh?”

That was when the demon lord’s figure shuddered.

He felt a tremendous energy erupting from the other side of the Stargate.

“Someone is bombarding the Stargate! Generals, stabilize the Gate at once and send your forces within...”