Novel Bin Chapter 76: The third bride/ It is still too early to dream about it
Chapter 76: The third bride/ It is still too early to dream about it
Hearing his words Aoba held her tongue, and she thought about young looking old woman who was here just moments ago, she then showed a surprised expression.
「Well, whatever happened in Kohaku-san’s past, that was exactly what she told me. Kotone, Suzune and Kazane also have similar thoughts in the matter. If it was the three girls, they had an even more straightforward way of putting it for me」
「Therefore, you came to like this other different girl more?」
「Yeah」
Taiyou leaned back on his sofa and looked high up into the ceiling.
「Although the order is different」
「The sequential order?」
「Yes the order. According to what the girls are telling me and what they want, I’ve decided myself that “I cannot treat them all in exactly the same way”. However, as a matter of course I still treasure them all individually and that is the main premise of our current relationship. I’ve also decided to stop feeling guilty about it」
「Feelings of guilt?」
Aoba was getting caught up in her own thoughts and she had a complicated look on her face.
「Although I may be mistaken in thinking like this…」
He started off with this… before continuing.
「But you told me once before that I was a cheater right?」
「Uuu…..」
Gulping down her breath, Aoba flinched.
Surely he’s not planning on bringing that up? That was the kind of expression she had.
「Ah no no, I’m not trying to blame you or anything. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bothered by it, however, but knowing your circumstances I don’t plan to blame you. My point is, the premise of “cheating” is that you “hide” your infidelity, right? So for instance, if you hid this information from your wife or your girlfriend that would clearly be considered as “cheating”」
「Yeah, that’s true」
「In my case, Kotone and the girls they were already aware…. that Kohaku was going to become one of my lovers. And they told me that, they wanted me to have fun with Kohaku-san……. And also go on dates and stuff. If I had to sneak around and did things like this behind their backs without telling them… Then at that time, I myself would have a very terrible sense of guilt. For me to keep them in the dark about it…. perhaps I could not even endure the sense of guilt and it would devour me. I don’t know about how other guys would feel about this, but I am like so. Definitely」
「Yes….」
「If you were to ask….. Kohaku-san had many things to say in regards to these matters」
Saying this Taiyou began to imagine Kohaku’s appearance within his own mind. And his chest was filled with reminiscent feelings.
「—-Feelings of guilt is self-explanatory, it is the bad feeling you get when you know that you’ve done something wrong. Then in that case, what is the crime you committed? Is it cheating? No, it’s not, that is just one of the ways that you can name it and it isn’t really the true nature of the action. In this case the true nature of the action would be that a crime is committed due to having a fun time with Kohaku-san」
Cutting his words there, he was imagining it in his mind.
He imagined the guilt he would feel for having an affair with Kohaku and then keeping the three sisters in the dark.
It would be twice as punishing as the actually happy time he experienced and it would cause him more pain then pleasure.
Even just by imagining it in his mind right now, Taiyou chest tightened and he felt tormented.
Without letting her see his pain, he continued to talk to Aoba.
「Naturally, doing something like that would make me feel pained, but that’s not the end of it. If I were to think about all the moments we spent together as a crime, I wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of it. I mean don’t you think so too? If you were to believe that spending time with the person you love is actually a crime and have a guilty conscience about it, there is something fundamentally wrong with that」
「……」
「Therefore I decided, not matter who I was spending my time with, I would completely immerse myself and enjoy the moment, even if that means that I am neglecting someone else in that time period. I decided that feeling guilty while spending time with a person is something that I must not do」
「But if you do that, I think that it’s a little cruel. I mean, if you were to be like that, then when you were enjoying yourself with someone, there is also someone else that is bound to be feeling lonely」
「That may be so. In that case, I will just have to spend time with the person who was feeling lonely and make them feel happy」
「But you also said, that you didn’t believe in equality, didn’t you?」
「Yeah, I did say that. But the thing is」
Taiyou was grinning.
「I didn’t say that that I could not love one person more than another, right?」
「You mean to say…..?」
Aoba had a face that stated that she didn’t understand the sentence he just spoke.
「For instance today I will love Kohaku-san, tomorrow I will love the three sisters, the day after if Kohaku is feeling lonely I will love her again, in three days time—– and it goes on」
「Is that….. like a bubble that you need to continue blowing?」
「Kind of like that, but if the bubble pops, all I need to do is make a new bubble. If doing this the bubble bursts or if I burst the bubble, it is still fine, that’s how I’d like to think about it」
「I think that your self-confidence is weird」
「Well, it’s probably because I’m announcing my determination right now」
It couldn’t be helped, Taiyou lifted his palms in the air and exaggeratedly lifted his shoulders.
「—-eh, I think that we’ve really gone off topic. What were we talking about initially?」
Scratching his head Taiyou tried to recall the beginning of their conversation.
「That’s right, I remember now, you were asking me about who my favourite was」
「No, don’t worry about that anymore」
「You sure?」
Without saying anything Aoba just nods her head.
She was just absentmindedly brooding about something.
Looking at her be like this, Taiyou was thinking…
Was my story able to convey something? Was my answer able to help at least a little in regards to what she was brooding about?
Taiyou didn’t know for sure, after all Aoba was now in the midst of a very difficult time, and right now he was probably one of the ingredients that could worsen her difficult time.
After all, he was the man who was aiming to have “Seven wives”. Even if he was accused of being even more atrocious then her own father who was aiming for his fourth wife, he wouldn’t be able to say anything in return.
If he thought about it, it was probably the best option to just deceive her………. yes, it was the most optimal choice….and yet.
Taiyou was going to answer everything with complete honesty. It might provoke her thoughts, and it may cause her to intensely reject his ideals, but he had already determined himself to tell her the truth.
However, you couldn’t really say that there was no profit to telling her the truth.
A hot flame burnt in Taiyou’s chest as he thought how he was going to explain things to her.
He simulated what he was going to say inside of his own head.
When he did this, he had the urge to just go straight to the girls and do exactly as he imagined.
It wasn’t like he was trying to avoid a sense of guilt; neither was he doing this out of obligation.
It was just his pure emotions of wanting to be with them. He wanted to see their happy faces.
Kotone, Suzune Kazane and also Kohaku.
He imagined them being happy, their smiles and their blushing cheeks. According to the circumstances, they could be shedding tears of joy, but if it was those kinds of tears, he wouldn’t mind seeing them every single day.
Eventually, the communication between him and Aoba ended with him being able to reaffirm his current beliefs and he was the only know who benefited out of the conversation.
As is expected, Aoba was thinking about her own sense of guilt in all of this, and she realized she was going into a depressed state so she quickly put a stop to those thoughts and shook her head in a hurry. Aoba who was just thinking about things in silence finally began to speak.
「Natsuno-kun, you really resemble my father」
「Eh?」
Taiyou became speechless.
「I’m sorry, my words was insufficient. You are like my father, you do the same things that my father does, that’s what I meant. The things you just said, are seriously similar to my dad, and it just got me thinking」
「……So what is your father like?」
Taiyou was incredible interested in hearing what she had to say in regards to this. Thinking about it properly, several hours ago, when he just left Miyagi’s house, it showed him the possibility of what his life may be like in the future.
If she was able to give any details in regards to this matter, there was no way that he wouldn’t be interested.
「My dad…. I’ve never seen him ever apologizing to my mothers」
「Hm?」
Inclining his head, Taiyou was a little bit confused as he tried to digest what she was saying.
「I even think you guys…. do the same things. Instead of apologizing, my dad would make up for it by making them happy. My mother, mama and Okaasama, he would love the three of them dearly and this was very obvious from his actions」
「I see」
「And the thing is, I think I can understand it now. I think that my father doesn’t really think that I am all that important. I think that of course as his daughter he thinks that I’m adorable….. but, I don’t think that he values me as someone of importance」
「……」
「It got me thinking and, it may be possible that I’m not even father’s real child」
「That is……」
Taiyou started to talk but then shut his mouth. There was no point in comforting her with petty words, thinking this was the case he swallowed those petty words and changed what he was going to say.
「If we appraise the dna we will be able to find out. Rather than guessing this and that, it is much better to just appraise it properly so that we can clarify all the facts」
「Yeah, you’re right」
Agreeing with him, Aoba closes her eyes.
She was just making all kinds of expressions by herself. Her facial expression keeps changing, and a variety of deep thoughts were probably going through her mind.
Taiyou did not really have any words that he could say. At least for now that is.
After a short while, her eyes open and she looks straight at Taiyou.
「Natsuno-kun, can I ask you something?」
For some reason, Taiyou’s heart was beating and he was a little startled.
Aoba was showing him a gentle smile that she’s never showed before.
「Natsuno-kun can you tell me more, about this person that you like the most?」